#16 - Stuck to The Rock in a Hard Place
Picture this…it’s midwest December…there’s already 5 feet of snow outside…and snow is currently falling…you just get off of your 9-5 job after a long and rather difficult day…and your expectation is to walk across the parking lot safely (those 40+ years of age-insert a fat Fresh Prince of Bel Air “Yaknowwhatamsayin’”), get into your vehicle, drive home, have some dinner, and hopefully some time to relax. Like a bad infomercial…BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE…it’s ONLY MONDAY (no one likes Mondays anyways-LOL!). You get into your vehicle and encounter non-stop slow moving traffic in near white out conditions of a sketchy snow storm…to put a cherry on top of this scenario…you don’t see a single truck plowing or salting the roads. Let’s add a little more for further context. I began fasting from Sunday evening to Monday evening for spiritual purposes…so Mondays by the time I come home…I am hungry and ready to eat. You are fasting in the midst of this scenario and since it’s going to be a while before you get home since you want to drive safely…so noticing it’s now time you can eat/drink again…you decide to stop and grab a coffee/tea/hot chocolate on your way home at (insert your favorite coffee shop here). You turn into the parking lot of (insert your favorite coffee shop here) from a busy road annnnnd…your vehicle gets stuck in the snow. So If you HAVE NOT experienced something similar to what I am writing about here…”do me a solid” and use your imagination and then think about how you may feel in that situation by applying the below with the word “feel” instead of “felt”. If you HAVE experienced something similar to what I am writing about here…please take a moment to recollect how you felt in that process. Maybe you felt alone. Maybe you felt hopeless. Maybe you felt stranded. Maybe you felt desolate. Maybe you felt overwhelmed. Maybe you felt frustrated. Maybe you felt anger. Maybe just maybe…it’s a whole cocktail of emotions of the above. Moving on…(pun partially intended)...maybe in your cocktail of emotions…you put your car in neutral and try pushing it out of the snow…just for your vehicle to not move an inch. So your vehicle didn’t move an inch so you try getting back inside to alternate between drive and reverse to see if you can get out. Maybe in your frustration you just jam it into drive and slam the gas and get yourself stuck further. And…you still have no coffee/tea/hot chocolate from (insert your favorite coffee shop here). I don’t know about you…but in my…ohhhhh…25 years of driving in the midwest…I’ve definitely been in different seasons where I have felt all of that and tried all of that. And as my vehicle hasn’t gotten stuck recently, I’ve seen PLENTY of vehicles on the road get stuck as our winter weather persists…but I personally have gotten emotionally stuck and I am about to go in depth, so please be patient with me here…things take a turn…they always do when Jesus is involved.
I am going to take some space to “purposefully complain” because I have been drastically overwhelmed this week in personal storms. Just when I seemed to have been getting into a groove with my new job, new home, new routine, new schedule, and new goals…it got turned around like a midwest winter storm (because lets face it…it won’t be snowing all day sometimes and then BOOM…like 2004 Oprah giving out cars…YOU GET A SNOW STORM AND YOU GET A SNOW STORM AND YOU GET A SNOW STORM!). So I’ll just be real and go into it:
#1 I have gotten very little sleep; I either wake up too early, I am up every hour checking the clock, or the night before I pray and then mentally prepare myself “I will not wake up at 3:12 am again.”...just to wake up exactly at 3:!2 am…again. It’s kind of been an ongoing joke between MGST and I. I am strongly considering melatonin at this point. #2 I was due to go to see The Gaither Vocal band (shout out to my fave, Mark Lowry) with my Auntie and Gram. This was not exactly a cheap ticket that I bought many months ago…but due to my new job…and being floated further from the venue we were to see them…I had to forfeit my ticket. #3 This one hurts more than the last…I can’t continue helping with The Alpha Course right now because I am being floated further away from the church which means I wouldn’t make it there on time (Parenthesis Rabbit Hole: I wouldn’t be there for approximately an hour into the class-IN GOOD TRAVELING WEATHER-which we haven’t exactly been having!). I am passionate about the Alpha Course. I have invested in relationships with people as I have not only attended the course but was helping with it. It truly breaks my heart, friends. #4 I am having a rough time at work as I am training. We use a very very very VERY (did I mention VERY?) old electronic medical record. The electronic medical record is so old that it looks like 80’s pixelation and that’s saying something from someone who was born in the 80’s! LOL!!! It’s hard to wrap my mind around the fact that technology changes AT LEAST every 6 months…so add that up since the time that EMR was created…well…it is pretty horrible. Trying to remember every little trick in the nooks and crannies of this outdated program has been challenging to say the least. There’s some other issues with my onboarding process but I will just leave it at that. #5 I am having some serious health issues that stem from not being heard by the surgeon that did my bariatric surgery and if I am being honest…it’s bringing up some very strong and hard feelings. I’ve had an easier time forgiving others in my life (which is saying a lot) than I have this surgeon. This past Monday at work I encountered a further serious health issue that continues to stem from blatantly not being listened to by the surgeon. (Parenthesis Rabbit Hole: Put it this way…if I wasn’t beyond the statue of limitations…I’d truly be in the midst of a lawsuit against this guy and I am not a “lawsuit happy” kind of person either-it would have to take A LOT to get me there…and in this case it sadly took me too long to get there.) I accepted the part about nearly being killed due to this surgeon’s neglect oddly enough because that is something I had already experienced in the past and had a whole encounter with God Himself during that experience. Right now…the health repercussions of not being listened to by this surgeon feels like it’s killing me in a multitude of ways-I am in CONSTANT pain AND the finances involved to get this fixed is disturbingly colossal. This man took a hippocratic oath to take care of patients. For YEARS I was one of his patients who respectfully communicated what I was going through and it didn’t matter at all to him which resulted in nearly dying, multiple blood transfusions, and 2 surgeries to stabilize me…and now I am in need of another surgery which is never an easy thing for anyone let alone someone on already overly priced blood thinners like myself. #6 I just realized the other night as I was discussing all of these issues with MGST…it is nearly the anniversary of my NDE and I didn’t even realize it. I don’t keep that in my calendar. I don’t keep the dates in the forefront of my memory. I didn’t save the date. So how did I know it’s around the anniversary of that NDE? I just remember the time of year. Oddly enough as I am writing this…I realize that NDE was also around the same time of year as the 2 foot long blood clot I had in my right leg that eventually went to my lungs when I was 18 years old.
To me, I believe in my heart that #’s 1-4 above are temporary. I hope #5 will one day be temporary as well…but for now…I am a work in progress with #5. I am trying to forgive but it’s so difficult when I cannot forget living each day in severe pain. #6…Well…I’ll get into that later. ;)
This past week a mutual friend of MGST and I’s named Jesus (Hey-Seuss - LOL - Not Jeezus) felt compelled to reach out to me. When the time comes, Jesus will be the one to marry MGST and I…that’s how important he is to us. Now before I get too far into this mini-story…Jesus is about to graduate from seminary school (Parenthesis Rabbit Hole: Jesus literally just passed his finals-big congratulations to him on that!!!) and is about to go onto getting his Master’s degree and he will know more about his PhD late next year. Jesus is a VERY busy dude! MGST and Jesus talked a few times this week as they usually do and MGST told him the struggles listed above and Jesus told MGST that he felt like he needed to talk to me even before knowing of the struggles. Jesus is not only SUPER smart while being an open vessel for God as he is helping do His work…but get this…he’s so open to Holy Spirit and he knew I was struggling before I even said a word to anyone. I was reached out to by Jesus a couple times this week and after the first time I came home and jokingly said to MGST, “You got me in trouble with “dad”!!!” I wasn’t truly in trouble but when I am frustrated…angry…albeit feeling stuck…hearing friends and family speak life into my storms is not always easy or comfortable and in the past I’d actually get furious with family and friends over this. The cool thing is…these days…I hear Jesus through the care, concern, and love for me when I hear life being spoken into my life…”iron sharpens iron” after all. Thank you MGST and Jesus for speaking Jesus and life into my struggles this week, than you for helping uplift me, and my favorite….thank you for taking the time to help me remember to rejoice in The Lord. Your prayers and obedience were impactful and I appreciate your support. Like during times of God’s mercy upon us…we may not see the positive in it at first…until we realize we are being spared from something or someone. During times of feeling stuck…we may not see the positive in it at first untillllll…we realize that everything (even #5) is temporary. The following quote was revealed to me this week by MGST: “What if you work up today with only what you thanked God for yesterday?” My life literally changed…if you want the graphic to go with it, I already posted it on #Satisfied’s Facebook Page. The answer to it didn’t shake me because even in my darkest times…I always thank God…I may not always thank God for what I go through but I heard a story about someone that did (also another resource from MGST). If you don’t know who Corrie Ten Boom is…I encourage you to look her up. Her testimony is unparalleled. I also posted a video from Lakepoint Church on my Facebook that was given to me from MGST this week. To summarize the video (which won’t do it justice so just go watch it already-you will be amazed LOL) Corrie and her sister Betsy were in a concentration camp in a cell that was infested with fleas. They were in a pretty miserable condition, yet they were dedicated to holding worship and church services with the other victims in their cell; this was easily something they could’ve all been murdered for. One day, Betsy looked at her sister Corrie and said “I know what we should do! I just read it in my Bible last night! We should rejoice, pray, and thank The Lord!” Corrie was all for it. Betsy went on, “And we should thank The Lord for the fleas!” Corrie was understandably perplexed and apprehensive. Here’s the thing friends… the guards didn’t harass them when they were holding the worship and church services because of the flea infestation…the very thing Betsy wanted to thank The Lord for. Sadly, Betsy passed away in the concentration camp. Corrie actually died on her 91st birthday (April 15th) from her 3rd stroke. Now is the time I will shout out to Jocko Willink’s “Good” video…which is amazing…but…IMO…and to me…the Biblical version of that video is: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 CSB, “Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
I quote above “purposefully complain” above for a few reasons. #1 It’s good for me to be vulnerable. #2 It’s good for me to share how God is working in my life. #3 It’s good to tell the world how amazing it feels to be “stuck to The Rock in a hard place”...because the hard place is temporary if you’re stuck to The Rock of Salvation Going back to the quote/question, ““What if you work up today with only what you thanked God for yesterday?” Even though I shared the truth above with you regarding my week and the storms I got stuck in…I am now going to share with you God’s truth about those situations above because you’re about to get a different perspective.
#1 Sleep Issues: Not only does this provide me an opportunity to pray…I am about to try melatonin to see if this helps my situation. It’s a cheap, easy, and healthy alternative to try…at least I have the opportunity to try this. Many in this world aren’t granted the option.
#2 Missing Out On The Gaither Vocal Band: God blessed that ticket to a wonderful woman that I have the pleasure of calling my friend. I wouldn’t have had it any other way to be honest. My heart was abundantly happy knowing she deserved to have the wonderful time that I heard she had.
#3 The Alpha Course: NGL…it still hurts but I have been promised by Holy Spirit that I will have more opportunities to lead or help with this in the future. I trust God and His word and I want nothing more than for His will to be done…so I won’t worry about this temporary timing. To my friends and leaders in The Alpha Course right now…please know that I love you very much and I miss you bunches.
#4 Work Onboarding: NGL I came home tonight as I am finishing up this blog and had to take some time to cool down before writing. I am still navigating this to be honest but I know that I am smart and I know that I am capable which means…I also know the truth that this is all just temporary growing pains; temporary being the key word there. I trust God’s timing…I have been given many blessings in various seasons of my life when I felt the “timing” didn’t make sense…but it actually made perfect sense…I had growing to do and needed to surrender my all in free-willed obedience. WORTH IT ALL.
#5 Health Issues: I am still navigating through this too. NGL…I have lived in pain for so long and have just soldiered through it…but now I am in a whole new level of pain that I cannot ignore as easily. When I add the fact that I am in this severe pain because I wasn’t listened to by the surgeon that nearly got me killed…it hurts worse. To add to it, I don’t have the resources to get this surgery done and until I do…I will have to be in constant pain. But guess what? It gives me an opportunity to pray…and the more I hear…people are being persecuted for praying. I am grateful to have the opportunity to pray in the midst of pain. I am grateful that I have an Abba that wants to hear my cries and that loves me even when I cry. I am grateful knowing that I can trust my Abba to take care of me, even when it feels like I can’t take care of me.
Ya’ll notice I didn’t go into #6 too much above when I wrote about things being “temporary”? Here we go: #6 isn’t temporary because those are long-lasting things in my memory but here’s the thing…I am grateful I experienced those things (especially the last NDE I encountered). Having the opportunity to literally HEAR THE VOICE OF GOD NOT ONCE BUT TWICE in my lifetime…unparalleled…and may I never forget the feeling of awe each day I wake up and have the ability to recollect those memories. Not many people get to remember things in life…and the more I work with patients…the more I see it each passing day I work at the clinic.
If you go back and read the first scenario where your vehicle was stuck…I want to add to the “maybe” part. Maybe you called for help. Maybe some of those people at (insert your favorite local coffee shop) came out to help you. Maybe you called roadside assistance. No matter what you did…you got help. When you’re emotionally stuck or being attacked by the enemy you don’t have to “push your vehicle out of the storm yourself”...in other words…you’re not alone…Abba sent a savior to rescue US…this means we don’t have to overwhelm or exert ourselves to get us out of storms…and here’s God’s Biblical proof - Psalm 18:2 CSB, “The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock where I seek refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”
So let’s take the expression ”Stuck between a rock and a hard place” and transform it like Jesus transforms God’s children…instead realizing that sometimes we are “Stuck To The Rock In A Hard Place”. And if we even want to take this a smidge further…it’s an expression to convey a scenario of being stuck. You’re only as stuck as you allow yourself to be…accepting Jesus into your heart is literally the most freeing thing a person can experience. So if you’re ever sick and tired of being stuck…it is my prayer that you find God’s truth and bask in transformative and new life through His Only Son, Jesus Christ.
If you’re interested in our buddy Jesus’s amazing ministries for God, I encourage you to check out his YouTube channel and Spotify Podcast “Knuckleheads for Jesus”. which are linked on my facebook page as references 3 and 4 for this blog. This man is on fire for The Lord, so don’t miss out on some extraordinary messages!!!
I have a prayer request...please pray for my friend “Dani”. She’s in the hospital with some very serious diagnoses. So to my friends and fellow prayer warriors…please be in agreement with me and pray over my sister in Christ. Thank you all for your love & support; you’re truly amazing. <3
For “being stuck to The Rock in a hard place”, for new life, for fresh perspective, for the opportunities I am blessed with, for Abba’s favor and love, for God creating Corrie and Betsy ten Boom…for freedom to rejoice in The Lord, for not having to be stuck because of Jesus’s sacrifice…I am…
#Satisfied
