#2 : 5 - “Unconditional Summer Lovin’ - 40’s to Forever”

I am 40 years old and I have never seen an ocean.  I will explain why this matters in a moment.

I have fibromyalgia, I currently need two surgeries that stem from the botched bariatric surgery in 2018, I have always had weird dreams and nightmares (as I have previously written about), and I was diagnosed with PTSD.  I am in near constant pain (which I feel I tolerate well for the most part).  I no longer partake in cannabis of any type but when I worked in the cannabis industry, I began budtending shortly after Michigan’s “green rush” began.  The green rush brough the economic growth of cannabis along with the  legalization of cannabis in Michigan for people 21 years of age and up. The green rush is the economic growth of the cannabis industry so when it was legalized, the opportunity to be a budtender presented itself but it wasn’t just selling weed...the crew that I worked with had to go through many hours of book training and hands-on training which was a far stretch from working at a methodist church for several years.  The cannabis crew and I had to know the molecular levels of cannabis because we all graduated from “The Trichome Institute” despite our supervisors not giving us our rightful certificates for our hard earned work.  We knew our stuff and we all ran in the same circles together.  Later on in my cannabis career, I would have indoor and outdoor grows and made my way into professional cultivation.  I felt confident in knowing cannabis through professional education and personal experience to apply that knowledge with my collegiate medical education. I was very well aware that the psychoactive element THC suppresses dreams which is what I wanted and needed after what happened to my daughter and after my intense near death experience in 2020.  I’m going to “put a pin here”.

The primary faith in the Dominican Republic is Christianity; historically it was Catholicism.  The Dominican Republic (Barahona to be exact) is the only home on the earth to a stone called “Larimar”.  Now before I go on further with this…I AM NOT GOING METAPHYSICAL ON YOU…but this is relevant information for what I am about to explain so hang tight with me for a moment.  The Dominican Republic's records show that Father Miguel Domingo Fuertes Loren who was a Spanish-born Dominican priest, explorer, plant collector and geologist who requested permission from The Dominican Republic in 1916 (10 years before his death) to explore a mine he found in hopes to find more of a certain blue rock that he had discovered, however his request was denied and he would never live to see that opportunity through.  Later on in 1974, Miguel Méndez and Peace Corps volunteer Normal Rilling rediscovered that certain blue rock on a beach at the foot of the Bahoruco Mountain Range.  The natives believed the stone came from the sea and they initially called it “Blue Stone”.  Méndez took his daughter's name Larissa and the Spanish word for sea (mar) and formed Larimar, as tribute to the colors of the Caribbean Sea where it was found.  Larimar is relatively soft on the Mohs scale and clocks in around 4.5 - 5.  So essentially, we have a soft stone that looks like the ocean and was found by the ocean.

Shortly after my near death experience in 2020, I had been given a surreal and unexpected dream.  I was surprised to have a dream at all let alone one that was surreal due to the THC content in my body.  In this dream,  I couldn’t see myself initially but I did see an ocean…but it was not an ocean of water…it was an ocean of the stone Larimar.  Instead of molecules of water it was tiny chunks of Larimar that made up the entire ocean and it literally made no biological or geological sense for God’s design of our world…then again it was a dream and dreams don’t always make sense (though obviously some of them do in my life experience).  In that dream, I remember flying over the sea of Larimar, which in a dream could have been any stone (including a harder one) but Larimar is soft and the “waves” of it were gorgeous.  Again, I’ve never seen an ocean but the way the stones were arranged in the sea were obviously different from the pictures or videos I have seen of the ocean yet even though it was something drastically different from what I knew, there was so much beauty in it.  I felt a peace I hadn’t ever felt before in this dream because my vantage point in flying over it brought the beauty and unique settings out.  The sun looked like it was setting, I could feel the wind brushing across my body, and I felt that life was perfect in that serenity.  I randomly reached down to pick up a piece of the stone (which was one I actually already had in my real waking life) and realized that I had a talon.  Clearly, I am human…so the talon threw me off but the matter at hand (pun partially intended) was “my talon” was on fire…yet it wasn’t hurting me which threw me off even more.  So almost immediately after I picked up this stone, I heard the familiar voice from my 2020 near death experience once again call my name, “Ever.”.  I dropped the stone because it no longer mattered and turned around to see who had called my name.  I got a different visual perspective at this time from first person to what looked like watching a movie in 3rd person perspective.  Once again, I didn’t see a face but the auditory had my attention and so did my form.  I am not crazy about birds…I don’t dislike them by any stretch of the means…but I would never want one as a pet.  I like admiring birds from afar where they belong in my opinion.  I was a phoenix in this dream and I had no idea until I got that 3rd person perspective and turned around to follow the voice and drop the stone.  I know in my heart that it was God giving me a new name like Simon Peter because those are the only two instances that I had heard that very strong male voice.  I don’t ask that people call me that because it seems like such a special thing to have experienced with God…but there’s no doubt that I was given a new name when I was trying my hardest to not dream at all…let alone walk a path I felt I had already walked down before in christianity.  I woke up in gratitude for my new name, yet I felt like I needed something more (hint hint:  I figured out it was submission and obedience).  So despite never seeing something in real life like an ocean…I have no doubt and full faith that I was given a new name.

Honestly, I was pulling a “Jonah” at the time and ran from God’s purpose for me in my 3 years prior to this very day.  During this 3 year time span outwardly, my life looked great; inwardly, I was very broken.  I had been consumed and obsessed in the aftermath of  my near death experience.  I was exploring spiritual avenues that would eventually lead me back to Jesus but again, it was not a linear path.  I had also worked at a local shop reading tarot cards for others and my gift of prophecy was on point for my clients yet it was prostituting gifts that were given to me.  The shop wasn’t doing very well to be honest and I felt I had temporarily brought “life” back to it.  I would create, promote, and hold events at this continuously dying shop (which is no longer in business) and managed to bring in people shoulder to shoulder waiting for me to get readings.  I am not communicating this out of arrogance but rather to paint the full picture for you of that time in my life. To give another brief and broad perspective…I was even able to pinpoint the exact aesthetics of a female that my best friend at the time would marry the following year.  Even I was surprised because despite knowing that I had been given a gift my whole life…I never knew how to use it appropriately.  This, my friends, was a gift I laid at the feet of Jesus upon my last freedom session because I don’t care if I have it or not…I just want Jesus to be guided by Holy Spirit so I know I cannot go wrong when I am being obedient.   Oddly enough, after the shop closed, I began to get visions which perplexed me because for me, most prophecies were given to me in auditory form though there were exceptions like the recurring dream I had as a child of the night that my daughter was attacked.  Auditory messages can be scary to those that do not understand and it led to a lot of confusion later on.  The visions I got were of the church that my mom and dad encouraged me to join and honestly I had ZERO desire to go but initially I went for them on occasion in morse code so clearly I still wasn’t living a life of submission and obedience to Jesus yet.  Instead, during that time I was trying to “bridge a gap” generationally and spiritually but it would be a gap that I could NEVER have filled in the first place because Jesus already did that for us…but I didn’t know better at that time and I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually working overtime to find God himself.  I sought answers in places I would NEVER go back to because I realize that THE TRUTH is clearly splayed in The Holy Bible.  Speaking of The Bible, here’s a great example; think of the consequences that  Adam and Eve experienced in Genesis when they ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  Friends, we aren’t supposed to know some things and instead live in a perpetual state of gratitude for being here.  Despite the fact that I was trying to find God in all the wrong places, I was in fact being called to go to this specific church not only by those that love me but also by God and I blatantly declined out of disobedience which landed me in an another abusive relationship (Jase) and ultimately I landed in the city he was calling me to regardless if I wanted it or not.  God will ALWAYS have his will be done; that always holds true regardless if you believe there is a God or not.  I struggled with even being in the city the church is located in because the police had let me down and I had a serious chip on my shoulder about it for 2 of those years before God placed me safely in this city with my loving family.  So I kept on doing my own thing in disobedience and even wrote a blog about “spirituality” and “metaphysics”; as you have experienced, this is a very different type of blog.  I sincerely struggled to submit and be obedient even after my last freedom session to even write THIS blog because I was afraid of writing after being in the occult scene and I NEVER wanted to prostitute or abuse the gifts God gave me for His kingdom….and there’s one thing that happened between my past and my present and that is that I accepted Jesus Christ, the only son of God himself into my heart.  My visions held true, I got baptized at my church to prove that I wanted to live in my repentance and have a relationship with Jesus with my own free will…not for my family…but for Abba and his unconditional love for me.  As I began to flourish in my relationship with Jesus, things began to change and more visions came to fruition without me saying a word or trying to intervene because I was tired of my will and plans.  I wanted and still want God’s will to be done on Earth as it is in Heaven without my own interfering…I am not perfect and will never claim to be.  I did however submit into a brand new state of obedience which I will forever crave to be in; I feel closer to Abba when I am obedient and in turn I feel like I can hold my head up high no matter what happens around me.  That feeling is something I long to feel all the time.  There is no going back…my life is all for Jesus and living each day knowing the sacrifice He and our Father in Heaven made for us…that’s all I need to truly know.  It is my hope that this blog reaches the eyes that need to see it and that the wisdom I have gained from doing things wrong and doing things better and for God are examples for others.

There are things I know in my heart that we as humans are not meant to know and if we did know them…I think it would literally break our brains which would obviously ruin our lives.  Knowing there is a God is enough for me.  Knowing Jesus died on the cross for our sins is enough for me.  Knowing that Holy Spirit guides me is enough.  God has a beautiful plan for ALL of us because His truth says that He knew us in our mother’s wombs.  I also knew that God knew I would end up at the church that I attend and I am grateful I landed there because I knew there was always something special about that place…I was given visions that I was to go there…but why would I ever reveal that?  It made me sound “crazy” especially because I was trying to make sense of something I would never be able to fully comprehend other than “I am unconditionally loved”.  I realize that I am and that is far more than enough for me.  I feel that love every single moment of every single day all because I listened to Holy Spirit’s still small voice and the big booming one in my NDE and dream.  The following blogs may not be as long but they will all be true stories just like my own of true everyday stories that seem to happen around me or to those I encounter.  God is everywhere if you’re able to see from a genuine perspective of gratitude and it’s my prayer that you do.  This is my Summer because the warmth of the fire in my heart for Jesus is something I have NEVER experienced my whole life despite growing up in a Christian home and church and for that I am…

#Satisfied.