#10 - Eye-vangelism
I feel a proper insurgence of The Holy Spirit’s flow and knowledge of The Holy Spirit radiating through church messages, YouTube video ministries, other people, and myself. Revival is here and has been graced upon us to witness here and now. What a beautiful thing for us to experience all because of Abba, His only son Jesus, and His Holy Spirit he gave to guide us fully, intentionally, and all for His perfect purpose!!!
This particular blog is going to look a little different. This is the time of year people would hear “ghost stories”. Merriam-Webster defines “ghost stories” as “stories about ghosts” and my favorite definition from them is “a tale based on imagination rather than fact”. I only share authenticity and facts (even through the cost of vulnerability as The Holy Spirit has moved me in the past and even recently; and of course in my usual style of authenticity and freedom through Jesus…trying to explain how I was personally steered and biblically stirred.
Many years ago in what seems like a whole other lifetime within this one (because let’s face it…a lot has happened in my short amount of lifetime here this far), I worked at a church for several years as an office administrator. The church covered a charity that I assisted with (even helped them get their 501c3 which was an amazing experience to be a part of). I STILL have fond memories of working at that church and often wondered what it would have been like had I never left. Certainly, I wouldn’t be where I am at or had the experiences I had…or even knowledge I gained to help better myself internally and externally. I feel my heart has always been to be in a church and to minister to others about God’s unconditional love which is more than likely why I felt so attached to that job as their office administrator. Along with administrative duties, people in need would come in to seek assistance from the charity. Oftentimes, the balance became overwhelming at times seeing as there was an uprising of drug use (particularly meth) in that area. (Parenthesis Rabbit Hole: There was even a major meth bust across the street one time from the church and the next day the pastor of the church and I were able to see the SWAT team infiltrate the house on the church cameras because they went across the church parking lot and the cameras even had the range to catch the house as it was in close proximity. It was wild to see!!! Even more concerning the church held a pre-school as well so to know something like that was happening so close to children was also concerning.). The overwhelming feelings involved at the church moved me to properly and respectfully leaving the position at the church, sadly leaving my home behind, and even left the state I was born in for the first time in my life…to live in another state with the guy I was dating at the time. Another contributing factor for leaving that position at the church was that I into the growing cannabis industry as there was a massive “green rush” going on in Michigan with legalization of cannabis in progress. I was able to get well-educated on Cannabis through an extensive program that involved certification. The job seemed wonderful…until it wasn’t. They had prematurely spent too much for the cannabis grow, the equipment, and getting the building up to MRA codes that they were unable to pay their employees (mainly budtenders like myself - even after paying for extensive and expensive education for us). At the time, I also helped the guy I was dating at the time to get into cultivation at the facility because he wanted to make more money. Things seemed to be going well for a very short period until one of us got to keep their job there…and it wasn’t me. I definitely had a level of resentment for a short period of time to be honest…but as we know…everything happens for a reason even if we don’t understand it in the moments we are going through a rough time (this is where our hindsight 20/20 comes in and eventually God’s 100/100 is gifted to His children).
So here I am looking for another job after I just moved states…from a church setting…into the cannabis industry…which felt like failure to me. No coincidences…right? I could’ve relied back on my college education in the medical field…right?
Real talk…EVERY testimony has its ups and downs…but one thing always remains the same…God; His unconditional love for us, His perpetual will being done, and eternally pursuing us by meeting us where we are at is such an unparalleled experience that gives us that 100/100 hindsight (which is up to us to trust if you’re listening to Holy Spirit).
God did in fact meet me where I was at…because this is the part of the story where I began reading tarot professionally (which I have NOTHING to do with now for the record). God loved me even when I prostituted gifts of prophecy HE GAVE ME!!! I don’t want to get into writing about tarot reading too indepth because it’s honestly pointless…but what I can say is…don’t mess with spiritual things that will try to eat you alive in every part of your ecosystem…because it can…and it will. To me…tarot is like meth to our spirits. It may seem exciting, invigorating, and like an energy boost…but it’s tearing your spirit apart bit by bit…and you don’t even realize it until it’s too late. That type of spiritual healing post-tarot my friends…is only healing Jesus Christ can restore. I had looked in all the wrong places for God after my near death experience in 2020…but one thing always held true…I never stopped seeking God…I HAD HEARD HIS VERY VOICE (which his very different from Holy Spirit for the record)…and that experience is how I ended up here and now walking this walk with his only son Jesus.
I had already begun reading tarot for myself and friends at home after my N.D.E. but a contributing factor was the guy I was dating (whom I had also helped get into the cannabis facility above) as he was a main “cheerleader” for me to read tarot “because I was good at it and made money doing it” (this would be a repeated conversation in my life with various others in my life that became annoying to go through and became old to have). You see, the guy I was with had a particular financial mindset because he was an “entertainer”…not the sexualized kind of entertainer…but the kind that would eat fire, breathe fire, do magic tricks, and throw knives at me or others when standing in front of a wooden board. He had an extensive knowledge of the occult as well so having his motivation to do tarot was having “HIS blessing” to do tarot.
Through time and experiences, tarot began to feel different in a wrong way to my spirit and once again…non-coincidentally the metaphysical shop owner where I read tarot at…quite frankly…was an unholy weirdo that became difficult to be around. I abruptly left the shop and tried doing tarot on my own which quickly fizzled out due to lack of will and feeling the sin of it within me as my entire ecosystem never let me forget the voice of God during my N.D.E.Along with my tarot “career” ending…eventually apathy and lust had ended the relationship with “the entertainer”. More non-coincidences
God’s children must be transformed through Jesus Christ and this means leaving dead works in the dust. Tarot is one of many forms of dead works. Hebrews 9:14 CSB: “How much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, cleanse our consciences from dead works so that we can serve the living God?” prove that leaving dead works at the feet of Jesus is pivotal for our ecosystemic health and for the greater good of God’s kingdom!!! We are to honor Abba and Abba is not honored by dead works…instead think about this…one of many ways to honor Abba is by utilizing our free will for obedience to His Holy Spirit through Jesus’s sacrifice…because that unconditional love never ends.
Meanwhile…in the midst of personal endings in my life, I tried saving a friend from suicide just to get myself into a precarious situation where the local police let me down afterwards. So that friendship ended. My relationship with the entertainer ended. I felt distraught during that period of time. I had lost complete faith in our judicial system which made me want to work in cannabis even more to defy authority. Eventually I would end up moving a few cities away into an apartment with a female roommate.
Right around the corner from my apartment (I could literally walk to this place) was another dispensary and one of the budtenders I began working with at the first dispensary worked there. It may seem silly to even write this but I am at least being honest…I was NOT living an entirely biblical lifestyle at this time…but here’s the thing…I have always always always had a strong (sometimes even overwhelming) connection with Holy Spirit from childhood. I had quit reading tarot professionally and even started going to the church I attend now (this was however during a Jonah phase in my life-the signs and wonders were blatantly there along with God’s open arms to me…but I wanted facts to back up proof…so ultimately at that time…I was blindly believing and stayed in that for a solid year and a half before walking the authentic walk with Jesus that I am now). The more educated I have gotten in my walk, I have often wondered if running from God’s calling was the unforgivable sin of blasphemy (not that it would change my course one way or another - I feel my relationship with our living King Jesus and feel best when I walk with Him)…but I never put myself above God and to the point where I rebuked His Holy Spirit…even when I was doing the wrong things. I will say that seeking God, having a relationship with Jesus, and obedience to Holy Spirit was a non-linear path for me. My walk now is as real as Jesus Christ is…and I wouldn’t be here today without Him or His Holy Sacrifice.
The following will sound weird (which I know is comprehensively comical for this blog). I am honestly speaking here about things that I don’t even fully understand yet I got a broader biblical perspective from my gorgeous state trooper on it all when I shared this story with him the day I began writing this particular blog.
I am going to start off by saying that I don’t know where this vision came from (most - not all - of my personal divine communicative connection is auditory - my NDE solidified that in my mind too) but I had gotten a detailed vision to apply at a second dispensary despite being burned by the first one after moving. Initially, I felt that it was God meeting me where I was at. I needed to live. I needed a job. There were plenty of jobs in the flourishing cannabis industry. I had extensive cannabis knowledge. I had experience using cannabis medically and recreationally. Here’s the kickers…BEFORE I HAD THE VISION…I actually reached out to my friend who worked at this second dispensary and he said that they were hiring. I actually sat on the idea of working there for quite some time while looking for other jobs because I was unsure about going to another dispensary after being wounded by the first one. I could always go back to the medical field…right?! When I worked at the first dispensary, I had gotten close to the people I worked with there too and goodbyes aren’t easy for anyone…but from a personal perspective…I had never done well with goodbyes or endings. I am at peace with them now because my focus has divinely shifted into holy perspectives and I just want God’s will to be done above all else.
Months later the vision I had gotten came to fruition. I was nervous because this particular dispensary is off of a very busy and main US highway and was already BOOMINGLY BUSY before their official opening! I went into the overly crowded dispensary on the weekend I was told to and waited for an extended period of time (due to the vast amount of people in there) to get in to “make my purchase”. When I was called back to the floor it was shoulder to shoulder with people and a tiny short haired woman with beautiful eyes was going to take my order (Parenthesis Rabbit Hole: I still love this woman to this day - though she probably doesn’t know that - she is one of the owners - which I wouldn’t have known at the time). As I write this and the distinct “scene” is playing out in my mind…I can hear her voice asking me, “What can I get you?” As the vision that was given to me played out…I replied, “A job.” She said, “Are you so serious right now?!” I said, “Yeah! I worked at (insert dispensary #1 here) and went through this educational program which I really enjoyed!” I went on to explain how things didn’t go down well with that company (which was understood by her because it had become a notorious story in the area amongst the industry with dispensary #1). I carried on, “One of your amazing employees was one of my colleagues there and recommended working here because he’s having a good experience!” She immediately took my name and number down (and of course the rest of my order-LOL). It wasn’t long before I had a job there.
The 2-3 years I worked there it was RIDICULOUSLY busy but also plenty of job security at the time and truthfully some really good experience with ALL SORTS of people (even previous teachers I encountered in various school systems growing up). Since it was off of a major US highway and surrounded by states that hadn’t legalized cannabis, overtaxed cannabis, or people from out of town that wanted to stock up on cannabis…we definitely got a PLETHORA of people/characters in this place. The stories became as endless as my medical stories in the ER, ICU, CCU, and Cardiology.
Please keep in mind…the broader perspective that my gorgeous state trooper gave me when I began writing this comes into play. I have not said that The Holy Spirit gave me the vision to get to the dispensary because I don’t know that to be true and I only share the truth here. Sorry not sorry for all the previous context but it’s needed as this distinct blog post all comes down to the following particular story.
I often wondered in my own human hindsight and holy transformative reflections why I was given the vision to get a job at the second dispensary…only upon writing this today…I feel I finally know one reason why.
One day at the second dispensary, I was working in reception. It was mid-morning, Spring was trying to settle in, and the sun was making itself known through the large windows of the lobby as I sat at the desk mesmerized by the warmth. Reception involved greeting people, scanning ID’s, checking for fake IDs, making sure people were compliant with rules and regulations, and my favorite…having meaningful conversations with my favorite security guard who is an older gentleman, ex-military, loves to fish, has an amazing wife, beautiful home on a lake, and has successful children. In a rapidly successful cannabis dispensary that we worked in…the more the day went on…the busier it got (because as a former stoner…let’s be honest…who wants to get up early?!). Oddly enough it wasn’t too busy YET BEFORE MY SMOKE BREAK.
The lobby in this dispensary is very large and beautifully decorated and I felt a moment of peace after talking with my favorite security guard. Before I knew it, in my peripheral vision to the left I saw customers walk through the doors. One…two…three…four?; two males, and at least one female…or so I thought. It was a group of people so I wanted to get them on their way regardless (my introvertedness is revealed here). One of the male customers who was behind the female and male that walked in with him had caught my eye as he had a very scarred face (possibly from acne, potential drug use, living a rough life, etc.). He looked to be Native American, in his late 20’s or early 30’s, shaved head, a chip on shoulder, and an internal hurt that radiated brighter than the sun that very day. He was taller than I am (which isn’t hard to accomplish to be fair) but definitely looked like a tough guy that could “throw down”…in other words…someone you wouldn’t want to provoke. His description is for blatant context regarding my personal fear at the time but I want to let you know that first and foremost he actually caught my attention on a spiritual level. I have always had a heart for “outsiders”, “underdogs”, or those that are hurting...this guy was hurting…and yet I didn’t know why or how.
So I took the “tough guy’s” ID to scan it after I had already scanned the other male and female’s IDs. I would have preferred to stay silent out of fear and to just do my job at that moment so that I could go on break and smoke down. For context, with as many people (and personalities at that) that came through those doors every single day…I had never seen this group of people…I feel like I would have remembered them for sure (and I ended up remembering them afterall…years later as I am writing this). After scanning the “tough guy’s ID, I noticed a left hand on his left shoulder…”okay 4 customers” I thought to myself…”but someone is messing with me or being cheeky by not presenting me with their ID” and I felt like I was being avoided by this person. So I got up and walked around the desk to see a short, plump, long haired, old Native American woman that’s facial structure literally mimicked the “tough guy’s” face…and her left hand remained resting on his left shoulder as she stood directly behind him. I quickly realized by a unique glow of her form that she wasn’t actually there which also explains why the group of 3 looked at me in confusion and if I were crazy enough to take the time and energy to walk around the desk and look…but I didn’t care at that point to be honest. I stood in amazement as I looked up to the “tough guy” and then back to the woman a few times…surely with the resemblance it was his grandmother…right?! I nervously said, “I thought someone else was with you…and clearly she is…but…I don’t really know how to explain this…I think your grandmother is here with you.” His gruff demeanor didn’t look like he wanted to talk and his words matched as he simply replied, “I know.”...the blaring chip on his shoulder clearly showing. In my mind I sarcastically thought, “Good talk bro…but I can’t unsee what I am seeing right now and I am kind of freaked out!” I was going to call it quits while I was ahead until words flew out of my mouth, “Your grandmother loves you.” to the “tough guy”. I wasn’t looking for problems that day (or any other day to be fair - besides…I had “99 problems” to deal with at the time anyways LOL). I wasn’t looking to catch a case, or create one either…I really didn’t know what I was doing to be honest…and I certainly don’t believe in ghosts. The guy’s gruff demeanor turned into a searing stare and I thought I was going to have another problem until his eyes flooded with tears as he stated in a soft tone, “Thank you…I’m here from out of town for my grandmother’s funeral. She just passed away.” I was in awe after the context was given to me and so were the 3 people staring at me in amazement. I said, “I’m sorry for your loss.” He said, “How did you know?!” I said, “She’s literally standing directly behind you with her left arm on your left shoulder.” More tears began to flow from him as I described what she looked like while he simultaneously was nodding in agreement but could no longer speak…and by that time I had tears welling up in my own eyes (which again…if you know me…I don’t cry easily let alone publicly). Before I knew it, the woman had disappeared as I was focusing on the “tough guy’s” tears. There was now a party of 3.
I saw the building line of people in the doorway and said to the trio, “You guys are good to go in.” The “tough guy” stared at me as walked backwards into the next area to make his purchase and kept yelling, “I’m coming back! Don’t forget this! This is wild! Did you see that?! I’m gonna tell everyone!” He was amped up and so were the people with him. I was left stunned. I even asked my favorite security guard and the manager who was on at the time (whom honestly I found to be an unpleasant man to personally interact with) to pull up the video from the experience to see if I could see anyone behind the “tough guy” and of course no surprise…no one showed up on camera…but the “tough guy” was clearly talking about it when he went to make his purchase.
Until I wrote this and got biblical context from my gorgeous state trooper, I felt one way about the dispensary story…which got shifted. I am going to reiterate that: I often wondered in my own human hindsight and holy transformative reflections why I was given the vision to get a job at the second dispensary…only upon writing this today…I feel I finally know one reason why.
I gained a biblically divine lens to look through.
When I brought this story to my gorgeous state trooper…he was immediately given two scriptures in his mind which he promptly read to me. When he read them to me…it felt like a physical body slap of goosebumps when it was read to me by him. Often times when I get goosebumps it is spiritually driven, emotionally driven, or the obvious reason…I am cold. The scriptures MGST (my gorgeous state trooper) read to me were: 2 Corinthians 11:14-15 CSB: “And no wonder! For Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no great surprise if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will be according to their works.” Annnd Hebrews 9:27-28 CSB: “And just as it is appointed for people to die once—and after this, judgment—so also Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but[g] to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.” We are “appointed to die once and after this judgement” (not becoming a ghost…not being seen by living humans). If Satan’s servants follow suit and disguise themselves as light (keep in mind the woman behind the “tough guy” had a certain glow to her) and we are appointed to die once before judgment and don’t turn into a ghost then what did I actually see that day at the dispensary?
I know the truth of what I experienced that day (I wouldn’t be wasting my time - AKA my primary love language - to write this all out. Initially this blog was going to be 3 “mini” stories but Holy Spirit flooded me and worked through others so I could get this out) so the ONLY options are as follows:
I don’t actually know what or whom I saw.
It was that it was actually the “tough guys” grandmother.
It was a servant of Satan in disguise.
Initially when I was writing this story, the man’s uncanny excitement after he knew that I saw “his grandmother” and his repeated, “I am coming back!” reminded me of how our testimonies and obedience to Holy Spirit have the potential to be supernatural as we are to be LIKE Jesus. Take this into consideration though…I may have always believed that Jesus is the son of God and always had a solid connection with Holy Spirit…but I am going to be authentically diplomatic to state the obvious fact that I also wasn’t living an entirely biblical lifestyle at that time. When we aren’t living a biblical lifestyle…it can interfere with our connection to Holy Spirit and that leaves potential for the enemy to move in or our own free will to be used for things that don’t honor Abba.
Once I got serious in my relationship with Jesus I went to Freedom Sessions at my church which I have written about as well. In those, it was revealed to me that I didn’t take our enemy seriously…and in fact…I mocked him because he is a thief that only comes to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10). I only wanted to see God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit’s works. I was clearly educated, “The enemy is to be taken seriously.” Upon biblical research, I found out why: 1 Peter 5:8-9 CSB: “Be sober-minded, be alert. Your adversary the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. Resist him, firm in the faith, knowing that the same kind of sufferings are being experienced by your fellow believers throughout the world.” What I get from that is: Being of an un-sober mind allows the enemy in and he’s looking to devour you however he can…being without sobriety is an easy way for him to devour you. Yet, hold tight your faith because you are not alone…your family of believers struggle with the enemy too. Another reason for the enemy to be taken seriously: James 4: 7-10 CSB: “Therefore, submit to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.” The enemy has to flee from you if you are submitted to God. Period. May you do everything in the precious name of Jesus and be obedient to His Holy Spirit.
Once, I saw the story from seeing the “tough guys” grandmother through a lens of darkness AKA pride (in being “right” and “heard”) that transitioned to confusion (maybe I was wrong…this doesn’t feel right) that ultimately transformed to a final and biblical lens of light. So…in my heart and through discernment today…if I had to make a hypothesis as to what or whom I saw in the dispensary behind the “tough guy”…I believe it was a demon disguised as something positive (I was giving a message beyond the grave to a man mourning over his grandmother who had just passed away). I don’t see this as a positive thing because it brought on confusion and in my opinion was a way for the enemy to mock my God given gifts; I see this as a consequence of when I mocked the enemy. Spiritual warfare is very real and when we dabble in darkness…it will only leave us open to the enemy’s abilities to kill, steal, and destroy as he is a thief that works in chaos and confusion. Formerly, I had dabbled in darkness by doing tarot and when I was accurately describing the “tough guys” grandmother to him and ultimately…it fed my pride and did NOTHING to glorify or honor Abba.
Ultimately friends, my advice to you is…in a secular world that embraces and breeds unhealthy culture to feed off of your TEAM (Time, Energy, Attention, and Money - Thank you again Pastor Ted) …I encourage you to repent, submit to Abba, put on your spiritual armor (Ephesians 6:10-18), live into your Christ given identity, and don’t leave yourself open to be consumed or deceived by darkness. Instead, look through the lens of light that God provides us because it is THE WAY, THE TRUTH, and THE LIFE through Jesus Christ.
For Holy Spirit’s guidance and presence, for my God given gorgeous state trooper, for biblical truth, for divine wisdom, for education on spiritual warfare, for Freedom Sessions, and for being graciously given the transformative lens of truth to be able to write this today…I am…
#Satisfied
