#11 - Christ-crossed

Nov 6

Written By Ever Kelsey

I previously wrote about my cousin, Michael (the logical non-believer) in blog #5 “Go Tell It On The Mountain”.  Unbeknownst to Michael, I will be writing about him again…as a positive surprise (hopefully) in this blog.  Michael, before I get into this…this blog post is written with you in mind but I hope and pray that others are able to get some hope, nourishment, and encouragement from this as well.  Michael, you already know this story…but I am going to tell it in its entirety because before the story came full circle with God’s divine mystery and His given hindsight 100/100…my vision was pretty much shot in confusion (probably how disciples felt at times as they followed Jesus to be honest)…so it’s always best to “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth” and…from the beginning.

At my amazing home church, we host an important program called “Alpha”.  Alpha allowed me to fill in blanks in my faith and really lean into what faith and loyalty meant to Jesus and having an active relationship with The Holy Trinity.   I know I have written a bit about Alpha and even input some of the video information in my blogs, however this particular Alpha class is special to me…why?  1)  I am assisting with it and really enjoying all of the different members of the group. I hope to lead a group one day to be honest.  I don’t know where or when…but it’s my heart to lead it.  I follow Nicky Gumbel on social media to this day and that man is so full of God and His truth…it’s amazing to me.   What is also amazing is having a diverse group with different ages, unique life stages, and extraordinary faith coordinates.  It’s beautiful to get the various questions out of curiosity from different perspectives and to watch this group grow each week!  I have said it before and I will say it again…I adore watching people grow but even more so in their transformation through Jesus Christ!  2) Last but not least…to my surprise and my family’s surprise…my cousin Michael accepted my offer to join the class.  I know this was a Holy Spirit thing but I want to take a moment to say that I am so proud of this guy…he has really put in the time to logically get into the word of God, softening his heart to Jesus, and asking the hard questions in our Alpha class.  My family and I have seen such a change within him…and that’s essentially what this blog will be about but before that…I want to share what Alpha is a little further by copying and pasting from the “What Is Alpha” FAQ from Alpha’s website:  “We help make spaces where people can freely explore the basics of the Christian faith together.  Alpha helps create space for honest conversation around some of life’s biggest questions through a series of interactive sessions. The sessions are designed to provide guests with an opportunity to share thoughts, ideas and opinions in a safe and caring environment. (It’s actually a program meant for people questioning faith, non-believers, or people that are blindly walking in faith - which isn’t bad but we are not meant to stay there.).  Alpha began at a church called Holy Trinity Brompton (HTB) in London in 1977. In 1990 Nicky Gumbel repositioned Alpha as a course for those outside the Church. The number of people attending Alpha at HTB grew quickly into the hundreds and attracted the attention of other churches across denominations seeking to find an effective tool for evangelism.  This led to the first Alpha conference in 1993 at HTB where more than 1,000 church leaders attended to learn about Alpha and how to use it in their congregation.  As interest grew, Alpha conferences were organized internationally, and the original film series, Alpha with Nicky Gumbel, was produced in 1994 to make it accessible to the widest possible audience. Millions of people worldwide have tried Alpha, and it has been translated into 112 different languages.  The Alpha talks have been repackaged for today’s audience in the Alpha Film Series, and the Alpha Youth Series was created to reach a younger generation with the gospel. Even as times have changed, Alpha has continued to be used by the Church as an effective tool to help people encounter Jesus.” (https://alphausa.org/what-is-alpha/).  So with all that being said…for my “logical non-believer” cousin to join this particular Alpha class…is a God given miracle on its own no matter what the outcome of his faith is (though I still hope and pray that his heart will be Jesus’s one fine day).  I will say…I see such a transformation within him already and this very real story…beautifully illustrates it.  I may be biased, but taking the time this week to write about you…brings me so much healthy pride as I am in awe of your curiosity and time you have taken to logically research as well as search your heart during this process.  I can tell you are getting so much out of this experience and I am in constant awe of God’s work…I hope you always know…I love you so very much.

The day of class my day went from working at the clinic to going home, making snack for the group that night, and then going to our second Alpha class.  I had no time to do anything in between going and doing, it was just what I call a “go go” day.  That particular class was good; Michael was present so it was nice seeing his face there and his attention active with healthy conversation and questions.  The class also seemed to have been a bit of a different encounter because there’s different perspectives and questions amongst group members (which is REALLY A GOOD THING), there were some interesting questions asked, and a lot was discussed in a short amount of time…on top of it the overall experience seemed to challenge attention spans at times (even my own for what it’s worth-this is not a place of blame LOL).  It had been a long day in the clinic for me and I knew my day wasn’t over after class…I needed to go to the store before going home.  Michael and I helped clean up after class and we carried on conversations to the parking lot until we all departed.  I shared with Michael that I was going to the store for one thing before I went home that night.  I had lost my tiny gemmed lip studs during a dentist appointment that week and I really didn’t want to have them close up on me because I’ve had one of them since I was 18 and the other since I was 25; they’re not going anywhere no matter what anyone thinks…I’m sentimental. Anyways, I had decided to go to Walmart because last I remembered…they had body jewelry (this may date me-still unsure about that LOL).  So the store is pretty busy despite it being a weeknight!  I went back to the jewelry section and my eyes were drawn to two different black stainless steel cross necklaces.  I happened to also be on the phone with MGST (my gorgeous state trooper) as I was in the store and as I picked up the crosses in consideration to buy one for Michael.  I have been so proud of him and I wanted to buy something for him to show him how special he is to God’s kingdom…and to me.  I carried these crosses around the store and spent WAY too much time looking for body jewelry until I came across a clerk and asked if they had any…and to my surprise…they do not any longer (Parenthesis Rabbit Hole: Walmart…you should really bring back body jewelry…not all of us want to pay Bezos more money…just sayin’...LOL…I cancelled my Amazon subscription earlier this year and haven’t looked back which is why I was even looking there in the first place).  So as I am still on the phone with MGST…I tell him, “Well maybe I’ll just buy one of these crosses for Michael then.” And no differently than actively talking with MGST over the phone did Holy Spirit say, “No.”  In my  mind I said, “Why?”  Holy Spirit just replied, “No.”  I knew better to ask a third time.  So I put the crosses back and didn’t buy a single thing from Walmart that night.  Obviously still on the phone with MGST I am walking out and said, “It’s a bummer they didn’t have body jewelry but whatever.”  The greeter said, “Oh yeah you may want to try Amazon, we got rid of that a long time ago. Have a good night!”  So I didn’t get what I wanted twice over (the body jewelry or the cross necklace for my cousin) and I felt old after a long day!  LOL!!!  I say that jokingly, I really don’t feel I am old.  So I went home, had a discussion about how the group went and then went to bed.  The conversation with Holy Spirit kind of bothered me to be honest.  My heart was pure to want to be able to buy him a cross necklace…and to get a blunt and simple, “No.” was really odd because usually I get more context from Holy Spirit.  I was perplexed for exactly 5 days.  Every Sunday my family meets for lunch or goes out to lunch…and that Sunday Michael came to church and came to lunch for our family’s annual chili cook off in honor of Michael and I’s grandfather Larry (shameless shoutout to MGST for winning it this year with Jalapeño Chicken Popper Chili woot woot!).  We were sitting around waiting for everyone to submit their chili for the contest and talking.  I noticed around Michael’s neck was a neat metal cross at the center of a red paracord (which my Auntie had already noticed from what I remember because there was maternal delight in her voice when she chimed in that she realized he was wearing it).  I looked at Michael in amazement and exclaimed, “Hey!  Where did you get that?!  That’s a really neat and unique cross you got there!”  Michael matter of factly with undertones of proper pride said, “My brother made it and he made one for each of us years ago.  Dad even had one.”  For those that don’t know, Michael and his brother lost their father nearly two years ago (November 15th to be exact) so the cross was even more meaningful to him that his brother made it and his dad had one as well.  I honestly wanted to cry as a flash of several days flew by in my mind:  Michael knew I was at Walmart that night, we talked about it in the parking lot.  MGST was on the phone with me the whole time as I considered buying a cross for Michael.  I got the short and the 5 day perplexing answer of “No.” from Holy Spirit to NOT buy Michael a cross despite having a pure heart in doing so. And then suddenly I see him openly wearing a gorgeously rare cross…and I realized in that moment…Holy Spirit didn’t want to spoil the revelation of something far more pulchritudinous than any cross I could have ever chosen for Michael.  It was worth not knowing “the why”…it was worth the obedience.  I was able to share the 100/100 experience I had that week with Michael, while MGST was there, and among my family in my amazement.  

SO…did I really NEED or HAVE to know the “WHY?” of not buying Michael a cross necklace?  Nope.  Did I want it?  Yep!  Did I get it right away?  Nope.  Did I nag Holy Spirit?  Nope.  I took it for what it was despite being perplexed…the mystery was gorgeously extraordinary and I was being obedient…all that I am called to truly do…just like you.  So…I’m clearly learning in my walk because I didn’t ask too many questions (example: not asking “why” third time-LOL-delayed obedience is disobedience).  There’s a saying, “No trust…no love.”  John 14:15 says, “If you love me, you will keep my commands.”  This is a blatant reference to obedience.  Obedience, love, communication, and trust are all vital for any relationship we are in (not just romantic relationships but if you are in a romantic relationship may God be at the apex of that important triangle because I can attest that it makes the world of difference.).  I am grateful to have had this experience where my obedience and trust was blessed beyond measure…and I didn’t ask for it…it was freely given like my free will given to me from Abba and then in turn given back to Abba for His greater good (He IS the Good Good Father after all!)…he gave His only son for us…the least I can do is give my free will to Him…but I will always long for and strive to love Him, obey Him, trust Him, learn more about Him, and communicate with him.  It’s a beautiful walk to be walking and may I never forget the gratitude of having this humble opportunity to be a holy child of God.

I continue to be blessed beyond measure in a multitude of ways (Parenthesis Rabbit Hole:  I got hit pretty hard after writing about spiritual warfare but I am in the process of bouncing back all glory to Abba. I received news yesterday that I now have a new job close to my home, pays more, and has benefits-prayers answered…thank you Abba!!!) but watching Michael’s journey into researching faith has helped sharpen me too…and God’s truth (The Bible) says in Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.”.  For a “logical non-believer”…he is sharper than some believers I have known in my lifetime…and even myself at times.  I love that he is so willing to dive into The Bible and his journey is inspiringly magnificent to me.  Michael (Parenthesis Rabbit Hole:  Michael means “Who is like God?” - no coincidences with God.), I pray that you never stop seeking God, God’s biblical truth full of promises, relationship with Jesus, and the ability to fully and unabashedly walk in what Holy Spirit has in store for you.  Your family and friends see the changes within you already…the small changes and the big changes.  We are so proud of you for exploring your faith in Jesus.  I believe in my heart that you are a beloved child of God because above all else and everyone else around you witnessing the changes within you…our Heavenly Father knows you best and is so proud of the changes you have made internally and externally.  You are valued, inspiring with your sharpness, truly cherished, and loved beyond measure here on Earth and from Heaven above.  You’re about to do some pretty awesome things and I can’t wait to continue watching your journey and learning with you.  Thank you for being you…I am grateful for you.

Ultimately, Holy Spirit will NEVER EVER cease to amaze me (as I am sure Holy Spirit continues to amaze all of God’s children to be honest).  This story (maybe even some you have experienced yourself) may seem “small” but truthfully it is so much bigger than I could ever imagine.  In moments where I reflect on the actual reality of these experiences where there’s too many people involved and too many moving parts to be coincidence…I think to myself, “How can anyone think there either isn’t a God, Jesus wasn’t the only son of God, and that His Holy Spirit is here with us?”  I have personally experienced and continue to experience God’s miracles big and “small” and I certainly wouldn’t be here wasting my time, energy, attention, and money (TEAM - Thanks again Pastor Ted - I will always credit you with this because it’s epic) writing this blog each week.  There is a vast amount of obedience that comes into this.  I literally pay to write this blog…and I am in NO way complaining…the reality of what I share just continues to amaze me when I am flooded by Holy Spirit to write each week.  Friends, I hope you know that you are just as capable to have this relationship with God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit as I am…and all you have to do is ask, repent, take up your cross, and walk the walk.  It may seem like a lot…but once you start living in unconditional love…it’s so easy to surrender it all and give Abba the glory.  If you ever want to discuss this or want to accept Jesus into your heart…my website has a way to contact me.  I’m happy to help however I can and I will pray with you and get you to people that will help deepen and solidify your walk.

Before I end this…I want to give some advice as to how I personally managed to get through difficult couple weeks of transition I have been in…especially after writing about spiritual warfare (which I briefly wrote about above). Tips on combatting the enemy:

1) Pray pray pray! That’s direct communication with God that is a MUST to have a relationship with HIM! And just because you reach out to him with prayer…doesn’t mean you shouldn’t also LISTEN!!! Communication is a 2-way street…if you’re a child of God…you must listen as well which involves trust and obedience. As I was doing parenting devotionals yesterday Holy Spirit said to me, “Reaching out to communicate means you care…taking the time to listen means you’re not going anywhere from the relationship.”  Maintaining a healthy relationship and pursuing that relationship full heartedly…is love.  God Himself is love…and we have the extraordinary opportunity to not have that relationship with love itself…but have a relationship with love Himself! <3

2) Embrace your identity in Jesus Christ. I know this may sound silly but it was wonderful to realize that Abba knows my multi-talented heart that he gave me and blessed me with: I am a precious combination of being a prophet, an evangelist, a teacher, a writer, a musician, a loving family member, and a hard worker in the medical field…ABOVE ALL OF THAT…I am a child of God…and ultimately that is all I need to be as the rest follows naturally. Pray about your identity in Jesus Christ.  Answer these questions and pray about them:  Who are you?  What does God’s truthful word say you are?  What does Jesus show you, you are?  What does Holy Spirit say you are?

3) To know your identity in Jesus Christ you MUST get into God’s truth (The Bible). The Bible tells us who our Heavenly Father says we are…and we are loved above all else…unconditionally…irrevocable…even when we don’t deserve it…and even when we fall short. Keep striving for sanctification and relationship with him. Relationship with God means taking the time to learn about Him. The more you learn about Abba…the more you learn about yourself. Lean on what HE says is true and forget the rest…I know it may seem easier said than done but I promise you…the name of God’s only son Jesus Christ has more power than ANY enemy attack…and The Bible proves that time and time again…look into it…your spirit needs the nourishment.

4) Trust Abba. It’s okay to lament and cry out to Him even though he already knows everything.  As MGST says “He wants a relationship with you even though He already knows the situation.  Trust that he is listening and wants that relationship with you too.”  Trusting isn’t easy when we live by sight and meant to walk in faith.  It’s not easy when we are questioning everything in our feelings (which consistently fail us where God never fails us) as we are in the midst of the valley…but God is the same God in the valley as He is on the mountain top. I didn’t know this once upon a time but Grace and Mercy are DIFFERENT!!! Once upon a time, I thought the two were synonyms (I will explain more on this in a moment). I also want to add that “mercy” and “grace” aren’t  added synonym fillers for prayer like I once thought they were…they’re vital elements to consider in the valleys and on the mountains.  The Alpha class leaders (whom are a married couple that are absolutely amazing people) that I assist told us, “Grace is God blessing us with what we want; Mercy is God saving us from what we want and don’t need or get.” That was impactful for me because I looked up the Merriam Webster definitions of the two:

Grace - “God-given help or kindness. A state of acceptance by God : a state of being pleasing to God.” (In other words…at times what we pray for and get blessed with).

Mercy - “Compassion, leniency, or restraint (as in imposing punishment) shown especially to an offender or to one subject to the power of another. Compassionate treatment of those in distress.” (In other words…at times what we ask God for and thankfully don’t get…even if it perplexes us or frustrates us.)

So why did I think the two were synonyms? Merriam Webster also defines mercy as “blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion”. That sounds a lot like grace to me. In my humble opinion, everything is situational in context and perspective which is why there’s so many definitions for words (especially these days). In my heart…the two words may be alike and frequently used together but knowing the contrast is pivotal.

To add “mercy” to mix of my “Christ-crossed” story above…that simple and perplexing, “No.” from Holy Spirit was mercy…He had something bigger and more beautiful planned…so be at peace with God’s directive mercy in the valleys and His blessed grace on the mountain tops.

For the beauty in love, trust, communication, and obedience to Holy Spirit, the gorgeous mystery of having a relationship with Abba, for God’s mercy and grace, for amazing cousins like Michael, for diverse context and perspectives, for God's love in the valleys and on the mountain tops, and blessings beyond measure when we don’t even expect or ask for them,  I am…

#Satisfied